I Really Hope College is Like This

I leave for college in approximately two hours.

I am beyond excited.

Even my dream state is in a tizzy.

Do people even say tizzy?  No?  They need to.  It's a fun word.  Tizzy.

Say it with me.

Tiz. Zy.  Tizzy.

Ugh, fine, God of Python.

I haven't made a Monty Python reference in a really really really really really really really really-

-really long time.

So anyway, as I said, my dream state was definitely in a tizzy.  When I fell asleep last night (And yes, I did sleep the night before I started the biggest thing in my entire life, I guess I just wasn't that level of stoked), I began to dream of college in the wonderful ways it was wonderful.

Did that make sense?  I don't care.  I'm going to college now.  I DON'T NEED YOUR APPROVAL YOU ARE NOT MY MOM

Unless you're reading this right now, Mom. BUT I STILL DON'T NEED YOUR APPROVAL YOLO

I feel really filthy writing that acronym right now BUT I STILL DON'T NEED THE APP-

I am going to burn this joke into the ground in a matter of minutes.

So, in this dream, I finally stepped onto the beautiful campus of Northern Michigan University.  I stepped out of our little red truck and was swept away via bus to...

...Orientation.

Fortunately, I didn't have to worry about the same orientation I just experienced a month ago, which, if you haven't read up on it, you can find HERE and HERE.  Nope.  Instead, we were carted off in buses with our family to a mysterious building that looked suspiciously like one of the three elementary schools that I grew up in.

On that trip, I made the stunning realization with my father that I forgot to pack a toilet for my dorm room.  Not a toilet brush, not a toilet cleaning fluid, the porcelain throne of poop kings itself.

So Python God cannot appreciate poop jokes.  That makes sense.

Except now I really want to make a "Holy Crap" joke.

This whole toilet subplot led to nowhere really, as it was quickly forgotten when me and a crack team of adventurers, literally dressed in medieval armor and weaponry raided the building.  It was almost as if my dream was written by John Hughes.  Not Breakfast Club John Hughes.  Home Alone 3 John Hughes.

I bet the Nostalgia Critic would like that joke.

Either way, my college friends, who actually struck no resemblance whatsoever to the people that I actually met in college and befriended at orientation, but rather people I never met but had seen in the hallowed halls of hell-uh, high school, and I made our way into the basement of the building.  It was getting darker and darker.  The walls had gone from being your typical brick of most modern buildings to an almost RPG Cave Dungeon setting, which would have been pretty cool, had we not all been aware of the mission that we had to complete here.

It was never really explained in my dream what I had to do, but I knew I had to do it anyway.  Great dreamwriting right there.

But we all knew what to do in the dream anyway, so I guess it was all explained in a prequel dream that I can't remember.

I really wish the Star Wars prequels were that way.

Regardless, we finally made it to these big ornate doors that took everyone in the group (If I remember correctly, about six) to open with all our strength.  In dream retrospect, it probably wouldn't have been a smart idea to send six-ish wimpy college kids on some epic quest.

Dreamwriting 101.

So the door opened, and this huge and epic battle ensued with some evil army, or something.  There was a lot of swordplay and magic spells and archers and dark-ages type fighting.  If I wasn't battling the evil general warlord dude, I woulda sat there with a bag of popcorn and said "Hey, this must be part of that new movie with the hobbits."

Side note, I am unbelievably excited that The Hobbit will be made into a movie.  it was one of my favorite stories and one of the best books I've ever read.  The characters are strong, the setting is unique and exciting, and the action is very well written.

What, no Python God?

Well, that has to be the most predictable joke I've ever made on this blog ever.

But back to the story. Long story short, I guess I defeated him, and soon after, all the enemies died or gave up, similar to the first (and only good) Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

Just in case my dreamwriter hadn't ripped off enough decent movies in this dream.

Our battle party walked out of the school, mysteriously unhurt and mysteriously without the 2,000 people fighting for or against our cause, because hey, who needs a solid plot in dreams.  Outside was a huge multitude of people cheering for me because I had slain the leader of this apparently evil and unexplained force.

Wow, I always have to be the center of attention.  Even in my dreams.  College better pound out this ego pretty quickly here.

People were cheering, and my friend Evan came up and gave me the $20 he owed me.  He currently lives in North Dakota, owes me no sum of money at all, and hasn't really talked to me in a few months, but apparently he owes me and will pay me $20, and because I'm a cheap butthead, I'll gladly accept that.

I then promptly woke up and began to question my eating habits or whatever had caused me to dream that.

I never got that toilet.

Crap.