Orange Markers Are God's Gift to Art Supplies

Have you ever asked anyone what their favorite color is?  What was that person's answer?  Red?  Blue?  Green?  Shartruce?

Wait, how do you even spell Chartruce?  Is that it?  The Grammar Nazi in my brain is screaming like a little girl who dropped her ice cream cone, only in an angrier, deep-voiced, and more Germanic way.

Like him?  His name is Hans.

Unfortunately for Hans, I went for a very long bike ride earlier and am in no mood to find my dictionary.  Sorry bud, but not tonight.  maybe when I'm browsing YouTube comments tomorrow, eh...today...I'll give you full access to the keyboard.

I mean, come on, it wouldn't be the worst comment on that site.


Wait.  This post is about colors.  I think I'm getting a little off track here.

Chartreuse.  It's spelled Chartreuse.

Maybe I should go to bed.

HAH. GOD I AM SO FREAKING FUNNY I CRACK MYSELF UP Okay, but seriously, I'm writing this at like 2:30 AM.

[This post was written on paper a couple nights ago, and so were the accompanying pictures. Just thought you should know.]

Okay, what is this post about again?

Oh yeah.  Colors.  Now you know all the colors people name.  You've heard it all before.  Red.  Blue.  Green.  Black.  Purple.  Stuff like that.

You know what color you almost never hear?

Orange.

Why orange?  What did orange do to us to have us just immediately forget about him?  Did orange just unwittingly piss us all off when we were small children on a scale so large that we've repressed the mere memory of him?

Wow.  Late-Night Dorsey is an ass.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is that Orange is so often forgotten in the minds of pre-K color racists that it seems God himself is the only one who can reward Orange for being so patient and quiet throughout his suffering.

And we all know how that worked out for the Jews.

That being said, orange's payoff has definitely come.

In the form of washable markers.

No, I'm not kidding.

Look at it this way.  You want markers, so you go to your local big box store to see if Crayola has anything on sale.  You see that Rose-Art is on sale, but then you remember that no one likes Rose-Art whatsoever, so you immediately shun them...

...and pick up a box of Crayola markers.  You buy them and quickly race home to see what colors you can color with.

The colors are black, orange, brown, red, pink, gray, purple, green, yellow and blue.

Usually.  Yes, I have the basic Crayola color lineup memorized.  Don't judge me.

So you're in a color-y mood because you're 18 and don't want to think about impending college in two weeks because you'll have to actually be an adult (I definitely cannot relate to that).  That's cool.  Just remember that orange markers are the best.

Still don't believe me?

Well strap on your seat belt and pray that your parachute works, because I'm about to press "Eject" and BLOW YOU OUTTA THE COCKPIT.

Okay, we're gonna prove this by process of elimination here.  immediately, we're gonna throw out black as awesome coloring marker because nobody but scary goth kids use mostly black, and they're all too busy listening to Slipknot and writing depressing poetry to worry about coloring.

And why is their poetry so depressing?

Precisely.

We're also gonna throw out brown and gray, because if you bought markers to not color bright and happy pictures, you kinda just missed the whole point of coloring with markers in the first place.

So the next thing you pick up is green.  Now, green is a very nice color, but have you ever colored with green markers?  Yeah? so you know how you see those little grass specks of disgusting in each pen stroke? Yeah.  Gross.

Too true, orange.  Too true.

Now let's move on to the blue and purple.  Now, both of these colors are nice enough to color with, they're these deep, royal, beautiful colors...

...and I will admit, orange cannot compete there.

Does that mean that they are better than Orange?

Not even a little bit.

Blue and purple are majestic and all, but they're just so dark and they just bleed through the paper like...well, I don't wanna make a comparison.

Growls by Sprouls.  Where Jew jokes are A-Okay, but a little blood and gore is just not cool.

Okay, so now pink.  Pink is either really really good or really really bad, and nobody likes inconsistency unless you're a Minnesota Twins fan.

The same can be said for red markers, so the both of them have to go.

So that leaves us with yellow and orange, the two titans of bright, vibrant colors.  I'd say that this is a competition, but we all know how well yellow cooperates with other markers.

Yellow markers; the whores of art.

So there you have it.  Orange markers are God's gift to art supplies.  Don't even bother arguing with me.  I did the research.  I spent hours on the thesis.  I have concluded tests, stayed up late thinking about it, fought any and all opposers...

...for the sake of washable markers...

...

I need to get out more.