They Call Me Ol' Bacon Face

So, basically, all my acting experience in high school is paying off.  I have been cast in two plays and I could potentially be one of our school’s news team anchors.

This is the part where I say that I’m so blessed to be so lucky, but let’s be real here, I’m just blessed to be awesome.

And also that the theatre program and news team here isn’t crawling with hopefuls.

Shhh, just let me have this.

So let’s start with this whole “cast in two plays” thing that I’ve got.  The first is a neat little play called 1776.

 

If you’re just as musical-theatre-ly inept as I am, have no fear, as my explaining skills are undeniable.

Also, there is Wikipedia.

Good, good, good Wikipedia.

Basically, it is a musical of the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

No, I’m not making it up.  And to be honest, what else could it be about?

PLOT TWIST IT’S AN ENGAGING LOVE STORY BETWEEN BEN FRANKLIN AND MRS. WASHINGTON.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go shit on other important historical figures in an incredibly offensive way.  Alexander the Great?  More like Alexander…the PHILOSOPHER.

Wow, I’m so tasteless…I’m like…water.

Get it?  Water has no taste?   It has a pH level of seven?  Huh?  Get it?  Get it?  Get it?

Don’t look at me like that.

I get to play the dignified role of Samuel Chase, delegate from Massachusetts.

Yeah, I haven’t heard of him either, but he existed.  BUT IN ONE SCENE I GET TO EAT A BUNCH OF FOOD AND THEY CALL ME OLD BACON FACE

HOORAY FOR THE CHORUS.  NEXT PLAY, GUYS.

I really shouldn’t need to introduce this one.

And this one’s one of my most challenging roles.  I get to play the super-complex, riddled with lines, and incredibly well-written…

…box.

HOORAY CHORUS ROLES

But now on to more exciting moments.

I got to be a weatherman.  It was an experience that I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

So, here’s the lowdown on how our TV studio at college-town works.  Anchors go in and write their stories for the teleprompter and practice them for a good hour or so.  The graphics people make graphics and make sure that they can show the stories the anchors are telling.  The sound people make sure that all the microphones are working.  The producer(s) run around, cracking jokes, and making sure that no one’s being a moron.

The weatherperson looks up the weather, writes it down for graphics people, and then never gets to see it again until they actually do the weather.  You know, for the actual show.  An hour and a half later.

This is okay, because they’re all written up there on the screen and you get to see the green screen effects live, which in itself is a pretty exciting, although challenging, experience.

Also, when giving a whole rundown of the area of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, you get a map with the temperatures and weather patterns, but no city names.  Looks like I’ll have to be studying geography as well as “The Art of Seeing.”

This book...this art textbook...This art textbook with forty pages dedicated to eight concepts...is amazing.

Seriously, this book is amazing.  And by amazing, I mean incredibly annoying.

Moral of the story:  As the soon-to-be News-Network Bitch, I’m gonna probably be a weatherman.

They told me that I did decently, but looking into their eyes, I saw one more important thing.

It said, “Dorsey…You’re really cute.  Please tell me that you aren’t seeing anybody.”

But I’ve been told I’m bad at reading facial expressions, so the jury’s out on that one for now.

Then I anchored, including a neat little bit about marijuana and how some pot dealers/farmers got arrested, which I read with a very cheery disposition.

I think I got the job.

And that, in a nutshell, is how I’ve been spending my first few weeks of school.  Parties?  No, more like stay up with a cup of coffee and write an English paper twice as long as it technically should be.  Alcohol?  More like Orange Crush.  Wild, raunchy, and diverse amounts of sex?

Instead, I get this blog to write in.

Sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy.