I Think the Correct Word is "Quirky"

I think my phones have been designed by the kinds of people who should spend less time designing phones and more time designing answers into their tests so they can finally pass high school.

That sounds a bit harsh, but I think that phones are kinda starting to go the way of...well...the things that get new, sweet gadgets and gizmos and improvements yet just still get worse and worse every time an upgrade comes out.

It's been a long day; give me a break on the figurative language for the duration of this post.
Now, agreed, this may sound like a pretty harsh thing to say about phones, but this is my history of phone usage.

PHONE NUMERO UNO (Oh yeah, this post is bilingual.)

My very first phone wasn't exactly a new phone.  To be honest, it was discarded because it had horrible service at my dad's new job.

To be even more honest, it really didn't get service anywhere, but this was a pretty decent phone, plus it was in ye olden days of 2008 and 2009, when I was still in junior high mode.

And awkward phone for an awkward kid.

That's poetry right there.
Please refrain all finger-snapping until the end of this post.  Thank you.

This phone was your typical "LOL HERP-A-DURR I IS A PHONE" phone.  Essentially, it was a small Jitterbug.

Remember these phones?  Yeah, it's like the 1980's, only with rounded edges!

And it took all I had to not dial that number on my current phone just for kicks and giggles.

I have excellent constraint.

Either way, it had your typical pre-texting 12-button keypad.  No touch screen, no Internet, no Angry Birds.

Yeah, I have no idea how I managed to live either.  Somehow, I managed to make it through all right.

This keypad served a great purpose in making calls.  And that's it.  Not that it would have mattered.  The only person I talked to that I actually would have made an effort to text was the cute girl that found some matter of interest in me, friend zone or not.  But I was more or less in love with the girl at the time, so at least I had an excuse for not texting back.

Seriously.  I could write a good post on most people.  With this girl, it'd be a novel.

But that's for another time.  The point is I didn't have to worry about embarrassing myself and making myself seem completely undateable over words.  I did plenty of that on a daily basis.

In fact, I still do that.

Ironically enough, now that I do have texting, I've discovered that she's pretty boring over text messages.

PHONE NOMMER ZWEI (Three languages for the win!)

Somewhere in October, my mother finally broke down and got me a phone with unlimited texting.  It was the Samsung Propel.  Do you recognize it?

Pretty neat, huh?  This little sucker won me the unofficial "prettiest phone on the Cross-Country Team" award for two years in a row.

And yes, I am actually proud of that.  Don't look at me like that.

Oh, you're looking at me funny because you don't recognize the phone?  Oh, well that makes sense.  Just add a couple devil horns and one of those pokey tails that demons have and you should recognize it because this phone is THE PRETTY LIGHT BLUE PHONE FROM HELL.

True story.

This phone counts for my third phone as well, because near the end of my sophomore year of high school, it decided to have a complete breakdown, have all of its buttons stop working, erase my (about sixteen, counting family) contacts, and nearly explode.  Admittedly, I did spend a lot of time flicking the slider part up and down (okay, that's a complete lie, I would spend hours doing that), but that phone was just a picky little bugger.

Also, that GPS thing it's showing?  Never worked.  I didn't have the Internet on my phone because DANG IT PHONES ARE MADE FOR CALLING.

Also, Mom said I didn't need Internet, so I didn't need Internet.

But hey, who cares, this sucker had a full keyboard and I had unlimited texting!  I found myself becoming more and more acquainted with the glories (and irritations) of texting.  It was wonderful.

Until it broke.

Again.

In the same way it did the first time.

See, my parents were under the impression that it was what you'd call "Operator Error," because my mom and sister had the same phone and they NEVER had problems.

I'm convinced I just had the faulty one.  I'm still convinced.

Either way, the second reincarnation of Satan's phone died near the end of this past August and I finally got my new phone.

You know what that means.

PHONE NUMERO TROIS (Babel fish said it was French, so don't sue me on this one)

This time, I thought I would take a big step and not get a sliding phone (Mom said that that was a pretty good idea, too)

I figured, Hey, I'm a senior in high school, I think I can handle one of them fancy touch-screen doo-hickeys!

Apparently, I turn out to be a Southern Bell when I make bad decisions.

I'm such a Yankee (HA HA HA CIVIL WAR JOKE).

See, I was under the impression that because it was a fancy-shmancy touch screen, I'd be extra cautious and not drop it or treat it like crap.

I dropped it as my parents and I were walking out of the AT&T store.

And the thing is, I'm pretty sure that my phone is holding a grudge on me for this.  See, like most phones of its calibre (Oh yeah, big French-sounding words), you can choose to type on the typical 12-button number keypad or the full keyboard.  Because my ex-girlfriend said I would end up being in love with the T9 system, I decided to try it.

The really sad part is that she was a recent ex-girlfriend at the time and I was still whipped beyond recognition.

Anyway, this is how my phone's T9 system works.

• RAPE comes up before RARE and PAPER.
• POOP comes up before POOR.
• There are three variations of the F-bomb before it thinks of DUCK (which may or may not be my fault, I had a couple angry conversations on this phone)
• INTERESTING...AND (the whole thing) comes up before INTENSE, INTEREST, and INTERNET (and this phone prides itself on being really Internet-savvy.)
• The word UMM, in all caps, comes up before TOO.

I've got plenty more, but I think you get the point. 

To make matters even more awkward, it has the strangest vibration pattern ever.

See, most phones go BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

This one goes BzZzZzZzZzZzZ.

No joke.  it's like rolling your r's in those Spanish-type words. 

Also, the little guy shuts down completely at random, sometimes immediately turning back on, sometimes waiting for me to turn it on manually.

It's kind of an inconvenience, but I like it when my technology has a personality.  It makes them harder to hate when they screw up (and I have Windows Vista, which does have a very...distinct personality).

You may call it stupid, but I think the correct word is...

Well, you read the title.

Moral of the Blog?  If I haven't texted you back, my phone either shut off or I don't think you're worth going against the T9...I mean...oh, who am I kidding, I just don't want to talk to you.

Lots of love though!

Less than three? (That's <3, for all you people who actually use words on your facebook status)

OH, and you can snap your fingers now.  Thanks for being patient.

Wait, you already did?

I take back the less than three (because that's all the insult I can really do over the Internet).