Back in Action (Part 1)

So it's been a long couple of weeks.

I've been in multiple states without access to a phone, computer, or even a decent shower (I like my showers hot and not digging into my back, thanks).  I've been North, South, and West (because let's face it, there's nothing interesting out east).  I've been happy.  I've been sad.  I've been irritated.  I've been tired.

And I know how wordy my blogs can become, but I have a chapter book's worth of stories to tell from my journeys.  And I'm talking about one without pictures.

Even though I was only gone for about 12 days.

Fortunately for you, the (possibly only) reader, and my hands that have yet to get carpal tunnel, I'm splitting it up.

Not because I can take breaks from all the intense typing, and not because you, the (possibly only) reader, cannot possibly handle more than about ten minutes of my constant whining.

No, it's mostly so I can shamelessly self-promote this blog.

Yeah.  I'm cruel.

So what do my experiences entail?  Well, there's haunted churches, a knife-wielding wooden man named Walter, beautiful sunsets, miniature golf, showers that squeak like mice, seven full days of riding in a vehicle, five of those being cramped in a fifteen-passenger van with teenagers just as angsty as I am, a range of emotions I was pretty sure I never had, shooting guns made out of Duplo Legos, a malt shop, being sketchy in a Wal-Mart, Mesa Verde, zebra pants, a sweet bear, and of course, the death of my beloved fake iPod.

I am not exaggerating.

It's a daunting task, but somebody's gotta do it, and it may as well be me.

Actually, I don't have to do this at all.

I'm just in it for kicks and giggles.

But in all reality, I should probably get to the actual stories, shouldn't I?

Okay, so where to actually begin?

Well, the beginning is an excellent place to start.  Yeah, I'll start there.  So I was born on-

HAH just kidding.  In reality it all started on July first.

Okay, that's enough for today.  Wow.  That's a lot of work, informing the two people that read this that I am actually back.  Yeah. Man.  I'm exhausted.  I could use a good shower.