Selling My Soul for a Scholarship

So my good pal Emily (and when I say good pal, I mean person who provides me with opportunities to make some money...and I swear I am not a prostitute) showed me this neat little link to blog for a $500 scholarship. 

This is that blog.

So, the main premise of this post is to write a wonderful blog about your dream apartment in your dream school.  So, to be redundant, I get to geek out about the college I'll be attending next year.

Providing I put in a good word for Vacancy.com.


By the way, you should really check out this site; it is ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE I LOVE IT YOU'LL LOVE IT YOU'LL WANT TO MARRY IT TRUST ME ON THIS TRUST ME.

It never hurts to suck up a little bit.

*ahem.*

Okay.  Now to actually check this site out.

So as this is loading (What? Surprised at my abysmal loading times?  It's all explained HERE, in my previous blog post), I'll talk about my dream school.  I know you, my fifteen readers, have just been DYING to figure out where I'll be going to college.

Is it Harvard?  No.  Yale?  No.  Community College? No.

The College of "Would You Like Fries With That?"

Well, maybe.  I can't even get a job at a freaking roller rink that hires everybody and their toaster.  Yeah.  If my first choice of college just doesn't work out, I'll have to go there instead.

But anyway, college.

I will be attending Northern Michigan University.  It's my dream college.  It has the programs I want.  It's eight hours away from my high school.

It...is PERFECT.

I'm in love.  If I was a college, and I wanted a college wife, she would be Northern Michigan University.

That's the creepiest metaphor I think I've come up with yet.

Anyway, it's in this sweet little town called Marquette, Michigan, and Lemme tell ya, folks, it's absolutely beautiful.  I'll show you some of the pictures of potential apartments if MY. COMPUTER. EVER. FREAKING. LOADS.

*Over-dramatized ten seconds later*

Okay.  It's loaded.  Hmmm.  Seems like it's separated by cities...

I can't find Marquette.  And Ctrl-F isn't even working...

That's not a good sign.

Oh, wait, there's a list of Michigan Colleges.  Gee, that's really convenient--

NMU isn't on there.

Well this is awkward.  Like my awkwardly placed half-closed eye.

*end scene*

So I've been frantically looking through the rules list hoping I could write about something else.

I'm pretty sure I've been disqualified before I even started this blog.

Well this is just fantastic.

Uh, here goes nothing.

***
DORSEY'S SUPER-AWESOME SCHOLARSHIP WINNING ESSAY ABOUT A PLACE I WANT TO LIVE

Today, I'd like to win money--uh, I mean, discuss my dream home with you, my good friends at vacancy.com, who I'm sure won't cross-reference this essay even though it clearly says in rule three of your rules list that I have to link to this magical house.

So HERE is my dream apartment.  As you can tell, it is an incredibly classy place.  I love it because it's both SUPER close to campus, plus it's so big, I can stash the dead bodies--I mean old homework and notes in the garbage disposal--I mean closet.

Not to mention those parties.  DAYUMN, those Yuppers can party.  We stay up all night drinking root beer and eating pasties, singing our hearts away to Celine Dion, Lily Allen, and Metallica.  This apartment is perfectly soundproofed from the outside so I can party all night long!

"Wait," I'm sure you are thinking, Mr. Dignified Judge, "Did he just say Yupper?  What in tarnation is a Yupper?"  Well, I'm glad you asked, Mr. Dignified Judge!  If you hadn't clicked the link yet, you'd have known that this wonderful and absolutely glorious apartment is located in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan!

And I know that you are thinking right now, "That boy must want to go to Northern Michigan University," am I right?  I am?  Jolly good!  I mean, what a popular college, right?  How could anyone skip it over?

Don't check your college lists, I guarantee it was there.  For real, dude.  No! Don't click away!  I promise that this is a legitimate place in your list of colleges NOOOOOOOOOOO--

***

I like to call that "Falling with style."  So, if I haven't been disqualified yet, and I'm pretty sure I have, I'd like to add one last thing.

NMU, I could never forget you.  I'll see you again next August, with that $500 or without it.

Probably without.

Love,
Dorsey

P.S.  In rule four, it said to be creative.  This better at least count as creative.

P.S.S.  I don't have anything else to say, I just really wanted to have a P.S.S.