Resolutions? What Resolutions?

Well, boys and girls, it seems to be that time of year again.

January.

The most horrible month in the known universe.

Now, don’t get me wrong, of course.  Apart from bleak weather, snow up to your ears, temperatures that cause your tongue to stick to your teeth, depressing lack of decent holidays, depressing onslaught of calculus homework using knowledge that seemed to leave your brain for some crazy math new year’s party, get crazy drunk and die choking on its derivative functional vomit, and knowing that every New Year’s Resolution you’ll make will be completely broken by the end of the first week.

I was going to be positive this New Years.

Was.

Jeez, I’m going to need counseling for making that joke.


I’m not depressed!  Look at me!  I’m happy!

I just made a horrible joke about the very serious matter that is depression.

Resolution #2 kaputt.

Although, to be fair, I really have a knack of breaking more Resolutions than I make.  Every year during Junior high I made myself the Resolution that I would start working out.

I promptly did ten push-ups and went right back to obscure video games.

In case you were wondering, I’ve moved on to Tomb Raider (The one from 1996).

Because I know you were.

By the way, my workout strategy really works, too!

BEFORE:

AFTER:

At this rate, I will be shaped like Taylor Lautner for my 100^th Birthday.

Boo.  Freakin’. Yah.

By the time tenth grade rolled around, I was a horribly depressed person when it came to New Year’s.

LATER:

Eleventh grade rolled around, and I just decided that, “Hey.  I’m done with Resolutions.”

I didn’t make any.  Conveniently, I didn’t break any either!  That made me decide that I was on a roll and that I could make a number of other resolutions and still totally keep them because suddenly I was Mr. Awesome and could do any resolution that I wanted.

You know where this is going.

I don’t know why I didn’t stop myself from making these resolutions.

But I did.

Resolution Number 3:  Be on Blog of Note.

Blog of Note, for the readers that are not familiar with it, is a little thing I described in a previous post.  The link for that post is right HERE, in case you were interested.

Now, this was probably the smartest resolution that I made all year, because I have plenty of time to forget it before it doesn’t come true.  In fact, I’m glad that I’m making this post so early on in the year because I can just forget about it when no one sees it after like two days.

Resolution #4:  Stop being so negative.

…

Shit.

Resolution #5:  Stop getting that whole “I’m better than you” feeling at the pit of your stomach whenever you have to listen to other people talk about their lives.  It’s not nice, and they are very nice people, despite their horrible grammar and lifestyle choices.

Who am I kidding?  I thrive on that kind of stuff.

Resolution #6:  Start actually paying attention in class.  You have scholarship money on the line.

True story.

Even though the blogarship thing kinda bombed, turns out my swimming pool filled with loans is going to be a lot more like the kiddie pool at your local pool.

The kinda not so great part about that is that I have to maintain a GPA, and with a new set of classes, including Psychology and Cooking, now I may actually be in danger of having a less than stellar GPA.

Is it sad that I find the cooking class to be more of a chore than the psychology class?

God bless America.

That last sentence made no sense whatsoever.

The point that I’m TRYING to make, however, is that this year I made the revolution to start paying attention in class more and actually do my fair share of work during class time.

The sound you hear is the sound of my head hitting the desk repeatedly.